It's been a funny old week. I haven't mentioned this in my blog but those of you that know me will have known. My colleague and friend passed away on Monday night. Only 4 days after being told she had liver cancer. I'm in utter shock. She was sat next to me a couple of weeks ago, like she did every day. We had a good friendship. She was well aware that I have my fair share of utter fuckwits in my life. She would often listen to my rants about these people, and she would always tell me I'm too nice and I should just tell them to bugger off. She was the voice of reason. A wonderful kind lady and always smiling. I'll miss her so very much.
The other thing that happened this week that I didn't mention was that I had a job interview. I didn't get the job but the recruitment process itself felt like a days work haha. There was an online test. Then one in person in exam conditions. Then a group task. Then interview. And those that passed the interview go on a list. And from that list 4 people get jobs. I felt like I was applying for the SAS. I was half expecting to be led out to an assault course at any moment. What struck me though was that my confidence was making an appearance. I hate speaking to groups, I always get embarrassed as I know everyone looks at you when you speak and I always feel very conscious that all they will see is fat. They'll be thinking, god look how massive she is, and not be taking any notice of what I say, too distracted by my chins. And then I feel the heat creeping up my neck and into my face. Then I become self conscious of that and then I just get redder. Well, I didn't! I got on with it, I don't think I went red at all and I definitely never thought about my weight. It was a whole new experience. I know I'm still fat. I still have chins. I just wasn't as bothered because I know I'm doing something about it.
Another little revelation that has boosted my confidence this week - telling someone else my weight. I have a little WhatsApp group on my phone with two of my friends that we use to discuss all things weight loss. But we have never actually revealed our weights to each other. I have always been very reluctant to do this anyway to anyone because I find it mortifying. The only people that know are the SW helpers and my GP. Even my partner doesn't know. I have always thought I was a good few stone heavier than my two friends. I look at them both and I think they look fine. They don't look as though they need to lose a lot of weight. Whereas I feel like I do. This week one of the girls hit a milestone weight loss wise, going into a new stone bracket. This led to her saying what she weighed, no longer caring. Then my other friend did the same. So I did too. And you know what? I AM heavier. But by a few pounds. Not a few stones. I felt so much better! Because I felt like I must look like I was twice the size they are. And I obviously can't do! Yes ok they are both a little taller than me so they do carry it better but I clearly don't look as hideous as I imagine. Woohoo!
This weekend is my birthday weekend away. I'm off tonight and I can't wait. Going to my friends for tea (syn free chilli) then setting off. Tonight is prosecco fuelled PJ party with a few drinking games. And of course some not very syn free snacks. See photo (oops)
Tomorrow we are doing madame Tussaud's and a few other bits then we are off to funny girl's on the night, which is a drag queen cabaret sorta thing. Then out on the town. Sunday will be recovering and then coming home.
Ive done most of my packing. Just the booze to go. I'll be raising a glass to my dear friend. She was so looking forward to hearing all about it afterwards so I'll make sure it's a good un, and I hope she's watching over us. God bless lovely lady xxx
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